Back to the Drawing Board

IUI cycle #1 = FAIL. Le sigh.

Today sucked. Tomorrow will (hopefully) be better. And another way to look at this is that it's the beginning of another opportunity.

Please say a prayer for us if you are so inclined. It's pretty exhausting to have to hold yourself together all day when all you want to do is climb into bed with a bag of cookies and cry.

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The Gifts of Infertility

The waiting was hard. The uncertainty was maddening. Three years trickled by, peppered abundantly by nearly countless joyful pregnancy announcements from family, friends, and acquaintances. I patiently watched their bellies swell with tiny lives, and watched as those tiny lives grew into rambunctious toddlers with minds and personalities all their own. I constantly struggled against my own pervasive feelings of stagnancy, monotony, and envy; for this is the ugly reality of the human response to infertility. I knew in my head that I was genuinely happy for the super-fertiles surrounding me, and I was capable of expressing that happiness most of the time. But so often my heart just wanted to sink into the undercurrent of depression and hang out there for a while. Some days were fine; I could babysit, attend baby showers, and knit baby hats for dear friends... all with genuine joy in my heart. But other days, triggers sat on the surface of my sk...

Signing on...

I have decided it's finally time for me to join the ranks of countless other less-than-fertile women in the blogosphere. This process has been long and tiresome, but God has opened my eyes and heart to a few things that I would not fully appreciate otherwise. I plan to share these things here, as best I can, in hopes of providing something relatable to others who may find themselves unwittingly trapped in this journey that they did not choose. I also plan to use this blog as a way to update friends and family on the progress of our treatments. Infertility is a constant cyclical ocean of weird emotions, and I've realized that I'm not always in the right state of mind to discuss these things in person. I figure some of these things will just be easier to communicate in writing. If you know me and love me, please know that I am by no means offended or annoyed by your questions; rather, I know that your interest means that you care. I just have a hard time talking a...

Another Step Along the Way

My Mother's Day began with a scheduled home pregnancy test. How fitting, right? This time, since we were both home together, we decided we would reveal the result together. (Side note: one of the crappiest things about dozens and dozens of negative pregnancy tests is having to constantly be the bearer of bad news to your own husband.) I set a timer for two minutes and wrapped the test up in toilet paper to hide the result. The alarm rang, we nervously came together, and I held my breath as I slid the test out of the paper. Negative. Again. The sadness hit harder this time, and although I kind of expected that it would, I was still caught off-guard. See, two IUIs was all it took for us to get Caleb. And while I know that doesn't entirely have any bearing on how many rounds this one might take, it's like I'm now entering this realm of unfamiliarity, and fears that I don't particularly want to face. I honestly didn't really expect the first round to take. Bu...

Though It Tarries

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