A little mid-week inspiration

"Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him."
-Isaiah 30:18

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Baby's first pictures

So, one (dare I say) "advantage" to infertility is that you get to have some prenatal appointments earlier than the typical 8-week time frame. We were super excited to get to see our little grey smudge via ultrasound as early as 6 weeks, and again at 7! Thankfully, there's only one nugget in there and our nurse told us everything looks really good. So without further ado... The smudge at 6 weeks... Can you believe it has a visible heart beat at this stage? It was so clear on the ultrasound... hard to believe anyone could terminate such undeniable human life at this point and beyond. And, a larger smudge at 7 weeks, with a heartbeat still going strong. The baby doubles in size from week 6 to 7, and the brain is growing in complexity. So, we've made it to the 8-week mark today, and I am filled with joy and anticipation. And a lot of bloating and water weight... but I'm definitely not complaining!

The Gifts of Infertility

The waiting was hard. The uncertainty was maddening. Three years trickled by, peppered abundantly by nearly countless joyful pregnancy announcements from family, friends, and acquaintances. I patiently watched their bellies swell with tiny lives, and watched as those tiny lives grew into rambunctious toddlers with minds and personalities all their own. I constantly struggled against my own pervasive feelings of stagnancy, monotony, and envy; for this is the ugly reality of the human response to infertility. I knew in my head that I was genuinely happy for the super-fertiles surrounding me, and I was capable of expressing that happiness most of the time. But so often my heart just wanted to sink into the undercurrent of depression and hang out there for a while. Some days were fine; I could babysit, attend baby showers, and knit baby hats for dear friends... all with genuine joy in my heart. But other days, triggers sat on the surface of my sk...

And now, we wait...

Today is a milestone! We completed our first (and hopefully only) IUI cycle and we've got two weeks to wait and see what happens. Things I've learned over the last two weeks: The Pt. Loma Kaiser pharmacy (one of only two locations where you can pick up fertility meds) pretty much always has a one hour wait. Bleh. Clomid is cheap, but Chorionic Gonadotropin (the ovulation "trigger shot") is really expensive... at least on my minimal insurance plan. Clomid isn't as scary as everyone makes it out to be. I had zero side effects. Despite his general squeamishness about guts and blood, Mike was surprisingly calm and collected (dare I say... excited?) about sticking me with a needle at home. IUI is significantly less painful than the HSG procedure. So... here we go. Commence emotional roller coaster. Stay tuned, folks!

Though It Tarries

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