My Mother's Day began with a scheduled home pregnancy test. How fitting, right? This time, since we were both home together, we decided we would reveal the result together. (Side note: one of the crappiest things about dozens and dozens of negative pregnancy tests is having to constantly be the bearer of bad news to your own husband.) I set a timer for two minutes and wrapped the test up in toilet paper to hide the result. The alarm rang, we nervously came together, and I held my breath as I slid the test out of the paper.
Negative. Again.
The sadness hit harder this time, and although I kind of expected that it would, I was still caught off-guard. See, two IUIs was all it took for us to get Caleb. And while I know that doesn't entirely have any bearing on how many rounds this one might take, it's like I'm now entering this realm of unfamiliarity, and fears that I don't particularly want to face. I honestly didn't really expect the first round to take. But I had a reserved hope in the second round. And now my mind wanders more readily toward the question of whether or not we will ever be able to have more children.
So I allowed myself to be sad for a bit, and then turned my mind toward appreciating the countless blessings God has already provided for me. It was indeed a bittersweet Mother's Day for me, but thankfully the sweetness far outweighed the bitterness. I am fighting to take hold of everything we learned through our journey to get Caleb, because those truths remain constant even if the outcome is different. God is in control, and He knows what we need so much more than we do. He also knows the deepest desires of our hearts, and wants to give good gifts to His children. For that reason, I will not stop asking. :)
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