Though It Tarries

On our way home tonight, Caleb was babbling away as usual from the back seat.  All of a sudden, totally unprompted, he quietly said, "baby sister."  I turned to Mike and asked if he heard it, too, and we both paused for a moment to listen again. "What was that, buddy?" Mike asked.  Silence.  I chimed in, "what are you talking about?"  More silence.  We smiled and gave up trying.  But a few seconds later... "Baby sister." "Baby sister!" "BABY SISTER." "Go see baby sister?" "Go see?" "Baby sister!" And he carried on till we were almost home.  A prophetic word, perhaps?  Only time will tell!  But in the meantime, it was pretty cute, even if he was just regurgitating something he picked up from who-knows-where.

Well, our last IUI cycle unfortunately did not take.  Life got busy for a little while there, so I'm just now getting around to this update, and we're already mid-cycle for our next IUI!  We go in tomorrow morning for the insemination. I'm a little discouraged by the fact that I'm now on more medication, given how (relatively) simple our treatment was two years ago when I got pregnant.  Apparently, my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) levels are ever-so-slightly elevated, which is not preventing me from becoming pregnant, but can be problematic for the baby if I do become pregnant.  Also, my cycles have been a little on the short side despite the fact that Clomid is supposed to correct some of that.  So, I'm taking a synthetic thyroid hormone and progesterone supplements this time around, on top of the regular Clomid and Ovidrel (HCG) shot.  Of course, these extra meds are adding to the expense of everything, so I'm eager to be done with them as soon as p...

Quick update... tomorrow is the big day!  I took Clomid last week and had an ultrasound on Tuesday to check the size of my follicles.  It looks like I will have 2 follicles ready to pop tomorrow and took the trigger shot last night.  The insemination is scheduled for tomorrow morning... crazy! There are a few funny coincidences this time around.  I will ovulate from my left side, with 2 follicles, and be inseminated on a Friday... all of which were also the case when I got pregnant last time.  So I'm feeling good about my "lucky lefty" and my "lucky Friday." :) It's a little hard to believe how quickly this is all happening.  I kept procrastinating (unintentionally) on making our initial consultation appointment, so that part of it made me feel like we were off to a slow start.  But now, here we are, at a point when I can say "so I might be pregnant on Friday."  Weird.  At least I have that eternal two-week wait to make time slow down aga...

Wow... it's looking a little dusty around here.  I could practically hear the scamper of tiny mouse feet fleeing in response to me typing the blogger URL.  Well, I hope you'll just ignore the cloud of particles glistening in that sliver of sunlight, and pull up a chair so we can chat awhile.  Don't worry, you can wipe it down. So what's prompted my un-hasty return?  Secondary infertility, that's what.  Actually, I'm not sure if it's technically secondary infertility , or just an unwelcome extension of our former primary infertility.  Either way... the point is, this oven ain't bakin' another bun on it's own.  It's time to call in the professionals. Today we had our initial consultation at a new-to-us fertility clinic, because we no longer have Kaiser fertility coverage (that is to say, NO fertility coverage whatsoever.  Hooray.).  I was slightly apprehensive about the unknown, but from the moment our doctor greeted us, I felt confiden...

Tomorrow, this little baby will be 37 weeks old.  That's "full term," whatever that means... given that he could also decide he's perfectly happy to hang out in my belly for another month. In looking back on the last 37 weeks, I'm kind of surprised at some of the things I haven't done.  I thought I would write more; that I'd be one of those journaling pregnant ladies, recording all of my excitement, apprehension, and hope for my little one to read fondly some day when he's old enough to care.  I guess the agonizing process of actually writing well overcame my actual desire to do it.  Not sure if I'll feel sad or guilty about this some day, when I'm digging around for some long-neglected memory in the dusty crevices of my temporal lobe. I thought I would worry more.  Thankfully, I've been spared this aspect of my natural tendencies by what I can only account to the grace of God.  Knowing that He has held this little life in his hands fro...

The waiting was hard.  The uncertainty was maddening. Three years trickled by, peppered abundantly by nearly countless joyful pregnancy announcements from family, friends, and acquaintances.  I patiently watched their bellies swell with tiny lives, and watched as those tiny lives grew into rambunctious toddlers with minds and personalities all their own.  I constantly struggled against my own pervasive feelings of stagnancy, monotony, and envy; for this is the ugly reality of the human response to infertility. I knew in my head that I was genuinely happy for the super-fertiles surrounding me, and I was capable of expressing that happiness most of the time.  But so often my heart just wanted to sink into the undercurrent of depression and hang out there for a while.  Some days were fine; I could babysit, attend baby showers, and knit baby hats for dear friends... all with genuine joy in my heart.  But other days, triggers sat on the surface of my sk...

So, one (dare I say) "advantage" to infertility is that you get to have some prenatal appointments earlier than the typical 8-week time frame.  We were super excited to get to see our little grey smudge via ultrasound as early as 6 weeks, and again at 7!  Thankfully, there's only one nugget in there and our nurse told us everything looks really good.  So without further ado... The smudge at 6 weeks... Can you believe it has a visible heart beat at this stage?  It was so clear on the ultrasound... hard to believe anyone could terminate such undeniable human life at this point and beyond. And, a larger smudge at 7 weeks, with a heartbeat still going strong.  The baby doubles in size from week 6 to 7, and the brain is growing in complexity. So, we've made it to the 8-week mark today, and I am filled with joy and anticipation.  And a lot of bloating and water weight... but I'm definitely not complaining!